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Interviews, doctors and angst!
Well, I had the demonstration lesson yesterday. I had thought it was going well, but the director had told me initially her supervisor would be there after about an hour to meet with me. Well, he called about 45 min. into the demonstration and she left the infant room to talk to him. She never explained why he wasn’t there after all, but just changed the story to I have to discuss it with my supervisor - and that makes me wonder if she’d already decided she didn’t like me, and so told him not to bother coming. I’m not really sure, but I’m not holding my breath. It was awkward… there were four babies, and it’s a small room. Four babies = two teachers, so it was the two teachers, the babies, the director and me crammed into that small space. I thought I was doing okay, but the two teachers didn’t really involve me at all, so I was sort of doing my own thing, though I did ask to help when I thought it was appropriate. *Sigh*, well it’s over now, and she said she had four prospective candidates, at least one of whom still needs to do their demonstration. So, it will be about two weeks before I hear anything either way, she said.
This morning I interviewed for an in-home position working for a woman who already has a three year-old and is expecting a new next month. Her son is hearing impaired and the new will be as well. She was nice enough, but obviously very health conscious, and based on her reaction when she opened the door, I don’t think I’ll be her first choice. I’m also not sure I want this position, since it means doing the ’ laundry and being “at work” with her around. It would be rare that I’d be alone with both , and she won’t be out much with either of them. However, she’ll pay $13/hr, and can guarantee 20 hrs/week… and most weeks once the arrives, it would probably be more. Plus, she doesn’t expect to need someone on Wednesdays for now, which is nice because that’s the day my husband works from home. So, there are benefits and drawbacks. There’s also the guilt I have over taking a position of that nature when I know we’re trying to move… but I’ve been saying that since October, and we’re still here. I hope we won’t still be here in May, but the reality is, I have no idea when it’s going to happen for us. It’s frustrating, but there comes a time when I just have to say, well, I’ll worry about that when the time comes. However, it would be nice if this last job I have here in NYC is one I can get a reference from, and if I’m working for her for a month, and have to quit without much notice, she’s probably not going to be keen on giving me a reference. The other nice thing about the daycare is that they have centers all over the country, and I might even be able to transfer to a center wherever we move to… but that decision is out of my hands.
What worries me, however, is that I was only working with the babies for an hour and I was beat. My back ached, my muscles were exhausted… I know the tension of being watched didn’t help, but that wasn’t the only problem, or even the main one… and I have to ask, can my body handle this now? I need to work. It’s just a fact. We need the money, to help save and my student loan grace period will soon end. Money is essential…
I’m going to try to create a less “childcare focused” version of my resume and go register at my college’s alumni career center… who knows whether it will help, but it can’t hurt, right?
In the meantime, I just got the info from making the consult appointment for the sleep study, and the overnight study sounds horrible. I mean, how does a person sleep connected to electrodes in like 42 places? Not to mention I wasn’t anticipating the fact I’d be video taped. I guess I should’ve been, but I wasn’t and it really freaks me out. I was distressed enough about being watched - knowing it’s on video makes me all the more creeped out.
Then they say you can’t eat past 7 PM, which is just unreasonable. I’m a grazer. I don’t eat a lot at once (when I’m not bingeing, haha) and I tend to snack several times a day. I usually have at least one evening snack, and it’s generally something substantial, like Kashi waffles with PB or 2% cheese on crackers. I actually get nauseated if I don’t eat every few hours, so the idea of going from 7 PM to the morning is a miserable one. I’m already going to have eight reasons it’s hard to fall asleep, and apparently I can add hunger to that. I also don’t get the point of it… I mean, if the idea is to “mimic” a nightly routine as close to possible, they should let me have some kind of snack, right?
Oh, and it sounds as though a morning shower is mandatory because they put electrodes in your hair and you have to wash it the next day. Now, maybe that’s just a warning, so people going to work (which I will not be, even if I have a job) the next morning know they’ll absolutely need to shower first… but it’s written as though it’s necessary for them to get the stupid things out of your hair. Well, I have a real problem with showers in public places. When I went away to college, this was a big problem for me. I used to wait until the middle of the night to take my showers - and frankly, we had decent stalls. We had a curtained area for each shower that had a bench - a changing area, if you will. So I didn’t have to traipse the halls in my robe, or scurry to get into it before anyone got into the shower stall area and saw me naked… cuz no one wanted that, me most of all.
So, I have to ask about those two things. If I have to be hungry, I’ll be hungry… but the shower is a bigger issue. I’d rather just leave with gunk in my hair, put on a hat or something and hop in a cab and come home to shower. I hope that’s acceptable.
My consult in on Feb. 2. Between now and then, I have the reproductive endo, a dentist appointment and then on the 7th, I see the regular endo. I saw the ENT this week, my regular doctor last week… I feel like some sort of character from a Woody Allen movie!
But… I’m tired of being tired and feeling horrible all the time. I’m more than happy to deal with these appointments if it means I feel better, because feeling better is going to make getting healthy a lot easier for me… and I’m so ready to be healthy again. Which is why, I resisted temptation last night and today, and kept on track with my eating. Believe me, it wasn’t easy, but the willpower is making a resurgence I appreciate. It’s about freakin’ time!